


Under the delicate shell

by transfixme_quite



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1715351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transfixme_quite/pseuds/transfixme_quite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes was not jealous of Steve Rogers. </p>
<p>There was no universe or scenario or alternate dimension where that would make any sense. There might have been some resentment, but Bucky would never admit that out loud, and it wasn't really directed at Steve. It was more about the situation than anything. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the delicate shell

Bucky Barnes was not jealous of Steve Rogers. 

There was no universe or scenario or alternate dimension where that would make any sense. There might have been some resentment, but Bucky would never admit that out loud, and it wasn't really directed at Steve. It was more about the situation than anything. 

How could he be angry at Steve? It made sense if you listed the series of events. A man who didn't want to go to war in the first place gets taken hostage and experimented on. Bucky may tell Steve he enlisted, but his serial number tells a different story. A man who wanted nothing more than to defend his country receives the tools to turn him into someone that could actually do that. And the boy Bucky spent years protecting is now the man who rescues him. It was almost poetic.

And Bucky could never express the joy at being reunited with his best friend in the whole world. That the first friendly face he saw was the boy he loved more than he ever loved another living thing. Nor could he express the confusion when that boy lifted him off of that table. Everything was frightening and dangerous and there wasn't very much time for Bucky to dwell on it until after Captain America led the troops back to camp, and he got to lie down in safety.

When he woke up, it all seemed like a dream. He'd never been captured. He'd never been violated. And most of all, that punk was still back home in Brooklyn, falsifying enlistment forms just to be rejected yet again. But when Steve ran into him in the camp during breakfast and Bucky had to look up at him, well Bucky decided he needed a drink.

The resentment was there, but even that seemed unfair to feel. How could he call himself a friend and be angry that Steve got everything he ever wanted? Maybe because Bucky couldn't throw an arm around Steve's shoulders anymore. It didn't matter how small Steve tried to make himself in order to fit into Bucky's side. Steve's smallest was still bigger than Bucky. He couldn't ruffle Steve's blond hair endearingly. He couldn't wrap himself around the small frame and feel like he was protecting the thing that meant the most to him. He couldn't even get a girl to look at him anymore. 

If the girls weren't looking at him, Steve would have no reason to. If Bucky couldn't protect Steve, he was useless. Steve always asserted that he could take care of himself even when he couldn't. Why would anything change now that he was a Super Soldier? In fact, he actually had the brawn to back up his claim now.

Even with all of that, somehow he was still the same Steve. Bucky might be the slight one now, but Steve stood by Bucky's side. Steve would still curl up next to Bucky, lean on his shoulder, and silently nudge Bucky to run his fingers through his hair like they used to before the war took them away from everything they thought they knew. Steve even made sure Bucky knew how brave he was. Bucky didn't feel brave, but if Steve believed it, it was almost plausible.

As Bucky threw back another shot, he felt conflicted, ashamed, and selfish. This wasn't about him. They were in the middle of a world war. He tried to keep that in mind, but it was difficult with a Captain America poster staring you in the face. That was what his best friend had become. 

No one knew Steve like Bucky knew Steve. He didn't know how to come to terms with his best friend being a symbol. It was almost dehumanizing. Did he actually even know Steve anymore? Every time he felt like he did, he'd have to strain his neck looking up at this hulk of a man who had such authority and respect. He didn't know that man. 

But when Steve would smile softly at him, and look at him like they were the only two in the world, Bucky forgot everything. That smile, those eyes, a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. That was Bucky's best friend. That was the man he'd follow anywhere. Even at the risk of his own life. If Steve could be to America what he had been to Bucky all these years, maybe, just maybe, it was worth it.


End file.
